Floating in Nothing

I stopped drowning
(Or in Katrina's case, "spiraling")
but now there's nowhere left to go.


There's nothing to pull me up. No lifeline, no help, not even that stray piece of seaweed floating around to accompany me.

Just myself and my memories.


A friend of mine was showing me some old IMs that he had saved in his IM history, and as I looked through them, I noticed that I was happy. When I thought about how I was last year, I had lived life to its fullest extent; flying up there with the birds and planes rather than tied to an anchor at the bottom of the ocean.

Everything's changed.

Change is indeed inevitable, but that doesn't mean it's welcome. Perhaps I'm just being negative due to my suddenly falling grades and anchors stressing me out. But then again they could just be my excuses coming back to me...

...and I don't want that.

I want to swim back up, to get back into the sky and live like before.

However, it's just wishful thinking. I've lost my flying powers, and I'll never get them back again.
Even if I magically grow wings, I'll never fly again. I'm going to be a dodo! So close to my dreams, yet so far away.

It's depressing, yet I don't seem to care that much again. Otherwise I'm just telling myself that I don't care.

I really don't know anymore.

Where is that light that everyone supposedly follows? The motive, dream, or curiousity that gives people a reason for their life.

Unless I'm to create my own world, the way I apparently created my own species. An underwater kingdom of sorts for all those who have lost their wings/powers. I can't really leave things as they are, or let things be.

I have to do something.

But I can't do it alone. I don't want to do it alone.

...
Or maybe I'll just float here in nothingness and wait until something or someone comes to find me:]