Cloud of Gloom

There’s been a cloud of gloom
that always likes to zoom,
but it’s been coming round and round
just like a big ol’ loom.

“Hello!” I greet Sir Mound of Doom
as he makes his way towards a room,
“Where are you going on this fine, bright, day
perhaps off to make a boom?”

But he does not slow a single step,
not a roll, a flap, or splash,
and continues on his wary way
to the holiday Christmas bash.

“Stop!” I shout as I spring to my feet,
“Stop! Halt! Or I will throw wheat!”

And he does hear me, Sir Mound of Doom,
until, atleast, I crash with a boom.
Down goes the door but not the room
to all of my friends with special amends.

He quickly cocks his brow
at me and my odd actions,
“Have you simply stopped me
for me to wow?”

Quickly I spring up to my feet
and continue to talk, not skipping a beat.
“Why have you been near
the friends I hold dear?”

To that he murmurs one quick little word
before going on his way before I even heard
the reason to my friends’ demise
that they hold close, just like a prize.


My own poem, no stealing >:[

Mumbo Jumbo

When my friends are frustrated with a situation, I just sit there and feel bad for them.
But I don’t say anything.
And if it’s over the internet, it’s as though I don’t give a crap about their lives.

Or if a friend is feeling down, and he/she tells me what happened, I don’t know what the heck to do.
Maybe an occational “oh that sucks… :/”
Or a sympathetic “awww… it’ll be okay…”
But yet again, it’s as though I don’t give a crap about their lives.

I can’t tell them empty lies that supposedly make things better
And I can’t just sit there and say nothing
So what the heck am I supposed to do?!

Everything I say or type is a load of mumbo jumbo.
Whether it’s empty promises, odd sound effects, or just “…”s to fill the empty silence, they all come out as garbled words to me.

If all I can speak is mumbo jumbo, what kind of a friend am I?

Removed from Reality

When one loop of drama finally ends, another begins. And everytime, I’m more frustrated than before.But I have them feeling that I’m the one that begins all this drama.

Or atleast, the bad drama.

If I had never existed, then would my friends still be so depressed? I’m the cause of the distraction and pain, so taking me out of the equation would make them happy right?

If I had never existed, maybe Katrina wouldn’t be so lost. Instead, she’d be happy with Allen.

If I had never existed, Michelle wouldn’t have to deal with all the drama (and thus could possibly concentrate on her school stuff more)

If I had never existed, Janice wouldn't have a person constantly arguing against what she says.

If I had never existed, Tina wouldn’t have to deal with another meat-eating, gelatin-loving, freak that makes everything worse.

And if I had never existed, Allen wouldn’t be so sad.


So if I disappear, that’s a good thing right?

Zero Visibility

I have this nagging feeling that I did something wrong and that I should know what it is.

I may not be that eye-burning neon yellow crayon in those cool 106 pack crayon boxes, but I usually know when something is up.
And something is up.

but I can't figure out what it is >.<

It has nothing to do with my grades, or selfishness, or family problems, or anything like that.
It has to do with my friends,
but I don't know what it is.

I'm screwing up.
Somewhere, somehow, sometime (more like every time)--
--but it's frustrating because I'm not seeing what it is.
And I know that I should know what it is
even though I don't.

There's a stick figure in my head, and it's asking me
"Charlene, how blind are you?"

My only answer
"Zero visibility."

Useless

I'm pretty useless:

When my friends are having stress/drama issues, I'm no help.
If anybody's feeling especially depressed, I'm sympathetic for a grand total of 2 minutes before I go back to acting like an idiot.
When my friends have wallflower-syndrome, I can't do anything to pull them out of it.

I just sort of sit there.
And stare,
and stare,
and stare;
then either walk away or act like a complete idiot.

If I could just help once, or cheer one person up, then maybe I wouldn't be so useless.
If I could actually understand what other people are feeling or the situation they're in, maybe they wouldn't hate me so much.

If I knew what to say, or what to do...
then maybe my friends wouldn't be so sad:/

Perspective

Wow I haven't blogged in a while...
or atleast, not on blogger.

Only today did I notice how different perspectives can be. I was IMing a friend about how busy we were with all this cheese going on in our lives. But even though we both took this whole situation in the same perspective, when she poked her status, I interpreted it way differently from how she did.

"I find it kind of funny / I find it kind of sad / the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had // mad world ~ gary jules"

My perspective: "that is hating your life...or well, finding peace in death, pretty much"

Her perspective: "it's a stressful sort of satisfaction"


Well apparently I'm pretty morbid o.o
I just found it sort of odd, as I never seemed morbid to myself. I've always been the happy-go-lucky-"thatlooksfun!"-type of person. Maybe I have some kind of inner-persona that's all morbid and the like.

...that's pretty creepy o.o

Reflecting on a Shattered Glass

For some reason, I just feel happy right now, even though there's really nothing to be happy about.

Usually I'm utterley clueless about how I'm feeling or what I'm feeling, but I'm just... cheerful at the moment. Although my collarbone's broken, I just got in another argument with my mom, my science and math grades are still Bs, my room's messy, and I can't bake, I just feel kind of happy.

Maybe I'm just at one of those points where everything's so messed up that I can't help but to be happy.

Just this morning, I was all gloom and doom because I overslept and felt like a lazy lump of goop. I just sat there neglecting everything I should have done and watched episodes of Katekyo Hitman Reborn on youtube instead.

It might be the nighttime atmosphere. The calming breeze that just blows in along with the nice smell of the cold, crisp air. Or maybe that the only source of light I have right now is my fluorescent lamp, laptop, and the weird red-colored sky.

Actually, looking back at all I've done recently or even within this past month, there's absolutely nothing to me happy about. I wish I was psycho-analytical like Katrina so I could read and decipher my own mind, or completely outright with everything I feel like Tina. But I'm not.

And maybe, that's why I'm so happy:]