Emotions are what makes life life. They add that spark and color into an otherwise neutral world.
But there's one emotion that you wish you can go without:
It holds you back from doing things,
it keeps you from your dreams,
it makes you give nothing a chance,
and it's making me type this right now.
Without fear, you could do so many things. Because out of fear, you won't do most of them.
Ignorance is a bliss
That one phrase says it all. But at the same time, you don't want to live in that little bubble of ignorance.
You want to know things as they are,
You want to wonder why things are,
You want to discover what's out there,
but you can't just mow over your fear.
It's just, retarded.
My chorus teacher always says "We are not afraid of incompetence, we are afraid that we are powerful beyond measure" Or something along those lines.
And sometimes, I agree with him.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Drowning in Escape
As my hair disappears, I disappear with it.
I cut out a chunk of my hair yesterday, and only now do I realize how many stupid things I've done. How much time I've wasted. How many things that will NEVER be possible again because of the choices I've made.
Live life and let live. People always say something along those lines. Otherwise it's something like "don't dwell in your past, look forward to the future" or something relating to the present being a "present"
But I NEED to dwell if I want to ever be able to fix anything. When I was a little kid, I had always done everything my mom told me to, thinking it was always right. Then as I grew up, I realised how many other options there were, and began to defy everything she said, thinking that that was what would lead me to being happy. Since then, I've lived for the sake of having fun.
Though now in my first year of highschool, I don't know if I want to defy anymore. I see the sense in everything my mom had tried to do to me, and all the stupid mistakes I've made. Though nothing now can change the past, no matter how much I wish I could.
All my stupid mistakes, errors, miscalculations, and that retarded laid-back attitude of mine have finally caught up to me.
And it hurts.
It hurts to know how many things I could have accomplished,
How many chances I've turned down,
Friends that I've lost,
Friends I could have made,
People that I've become enemies with,
Words that I wish I'd never spoken,
The things that I've done in my stupidity.
Yet here I am, wallowing in my own sorrow, not taking action, doing absolutely NOTHING about it.
I want to take action, to do something about it all.
But I won't.
I know I won't.
I'll say that I'm too scared, or hide behind the pretense of not knowing how.
Why?
Because those two reasons have been my reasons for everything.
If I don't want to, I say I don't know/I'm too scared.
I just don't want to face the truth, hiding from it all.
But it has already caught up to me, and I'm drowning,
Left there to drown forever.
But there's just one thing:
I don't want to be saved
I want to drown, until I'm gone
down into the spiraling darkness
where I can escape from it all
watching those bubbles of hope drift
up up and away
from the clutches of escape.
I cut out a chunk of my hair yesterday, and only now do I realize how many stupid things I've done. How much time I've wasted. How many things that will NEVER be possible again because of the choices I've made.
Live life and let live. People always say something along those lines. Otherwise it's something like "don't dwell in your past, look forward to the future" or something relating to the present being a "present"
But I NEED to dwell if I want to ever be able to fix anything. When I was a little kid, I had always done everything my mom told me to, thinking it was always right. Then as I grew up, I realised how many other options there were, and began to defy everything she said, thinking that that was what would lead me to being happy. Since then, I've lived for the sake of having fun.
Though now in my first year of highschool, I don't know if I want to defy anymore. I see the sense in everything my mom had tried to do to me, and all the stupid mistakes I've made. Though nothing now can change the past, no matter how much I wish I could.
All my stupid mistakes, errors, miscalculations, and that retarded laid-back attitude of mine have finally caught up to me.
And it hurts.
It hurts to know how many things I could have accomplished,
How many chances I've turned down,
Friends that I've lost,
Friends I could have made,
People that I've become enemies with,
Words that I wish I'd never spoken,
The things that I've done in my stupidity.
Yet here I am, wallowing in my own sorrow, not taking action, doing absolutely NOTHING about it.
I want to take action, to do something about it all.
But I won't.
I know I won't.
I'll say that I'm too scared, or hide behind the pretense of not knowing how.
Why?
Because those two reasons have been my reasons for everything.
If I don't want to, I say I don't know/I'm too scared.
I just don't want to face the truth, hiding from it all.
But it has already caught up to me, and I'm drowning,
Left there to drown forever.
But there's just one thing:
I don't want to be saved
I want to drown, until I'm gone
down into the spiraling darkness
where I can escape from it all
watching those bubbles of hope drift
up up and away
from the clutches of escape.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Intangibilty is Sweet~
Those little thoughts and dreams that float around your head are so indescribebly wonderful...
...but when reality hits you, it throws you into a depression like no other.
Positives make Negatives seem so much worse,
yet Negatives make Positives seem so much better,
but that gray area inbetween is the worst spot to be.
Though on a sunny day, rain is welcomed
And on a rainy day, the sun is wanted back
so wouldn't that make the grey area a good place to be?
"All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely actors"
I've used that before, many times actually
but the message is still the one referred to.
We are all actors, but even actors will mess up their lines
just as we believe that we have messed something up in our lives.
But why not improv.?
Once you do, it'll lead you back on track
and everything's fine once more.
...Or we can all just float around on cloud nine to avoid all the problems...
Just don't fall.
...but when reality hits you, it throws you into a depression like no other.
Positives make Negatives seem so much worse,
yet Negatives make Positives seem so much better,
but that gray area inbetween is the worst spot to be.
Though on a sunny day, rain is welcomed
And on a rainy day, the sun is wanted back
so wouldn't that make the grey area a good place to be?
"All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely actors"
I've used that before, many times actually
but the message is still the one referred to.
We are all actors, but even actors will mess up their lines
just as we believe that we have messed something up in our lives.
But why not improv.?
Once you do, it'll lead you back on track
and everything's fine once more.
...Or we can all just float around on cloud nine to avoid all the problems...
Just don't fall.
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